i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
