I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
