The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
