Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
