Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
