Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
