How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
