I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
