I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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