actually, I'm a sock model
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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