Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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