i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
