I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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