I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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