What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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