Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
