I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we're making bets on your personal life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
