another moral hangover. fuck.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
