we made out on top of his cat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
