Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
