i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
