Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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