how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
