I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
