I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
