I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
