I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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