I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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