So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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