Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
