I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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