he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
