Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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