There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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