Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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