I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
