I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
