Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
