I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
