I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
