I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
