I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
