i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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