remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
