oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
