So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
