Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
