I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
