p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry my hands just texted you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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