He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
