Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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